what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
