Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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