She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
