singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
