I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
