Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
