I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
