I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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