he thought i was a dude.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
