I met the friendliest cop last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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