dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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