If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
