If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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