your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
