Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You have to summon your inner elephant
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
