wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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