I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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