wrigley field is MILF paradise
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
