just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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