he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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