It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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