did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
