making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
