K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
