I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
