Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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