im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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