You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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