ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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