I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
