I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
