it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We are all done wearing pants today
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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