i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
