I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
