im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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