What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
