well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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