Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
