did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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