By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sext me about skeletons
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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