We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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