either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
