I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
