i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
