So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
