Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
