guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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