I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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