I want to stick my p in your. b.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
