My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
