cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
