You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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