The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Im part way to drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
