i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
