____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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