how can u be prego again
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
