morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.