i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.