I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.