you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.