Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis