so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
