i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
