i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
