your thong is hanging out like whoa
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
