never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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