I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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