things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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