Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just gift wrapped bread.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
